A few hours later

For a second there, I thought I had posted my last entry to the Lamb Chop blog. That would have been awkward.

But perhaps I jinxed things by writing on this blog again. By that, I mean I am discouraged. You know, I was feeling really great while I was in Israel. I figured it was just due to time--that I was feeling better because I was consistently feeling better every day for an extended time, and that that feeling had just built up and gotten strong. I thought I was feeling better because I'd had time to really think over the ideas of what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I was feeling better because I had lived with hope for some time.

Now that I'm home, though...I realize that a lot of my feeling better was due to being away from home. I'm afraid of being in the same place in the same situations, because how can I prevent myself from being brought down again? Because really, nothing has changed except how I feel. And now I'm starting to feel like I did before once again, since everything is so much the same. It's scary, and of course being afraid does nothing to help bring me up.

I thought that being in Israel had gotten me back on track with who I am. Now I'm discouraged that I seem to be getting off track so easily. It's only been two weeks!

I'm actually really scared.

Alright. I will go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.