Last night I had heartburn when I went to bed, which never happens to me, so I wasn't quite sure what to do. At first, I thought maybe it wasn't heartburn--maybe I got infected from working with staphylococcus aureus at work that day! Then I looked up a staph infection and decided that wouldn't be even close.

I recalled something about baking soda in water, so I went to the kitchen and tried it, but it didn't seem to work. So, I looked up other remedies. Several people mentioned apple cider vinegar, and of course, I have organic unfiltered apple cider vinegar because I'm a crazy like that, so I went to the kitchen and took a swallow of it.

Baking soda and vinegar. Baking soda and vinegar. As soon as I had drunk the vinegar, I recalled the ever-so-popular elementary school science fair project: the baking soda and vinegar volcano, the volcano that bubbled up in a violent eruption to the jaded delight of children. Oh no. What have I done. I was sure that in a few moments, acidic lava would start to bubble up from the magma chamber of my stomach, travel up the conduit of my esophagus, and produce a rabid, foaming volcanic eruption at the summit of my mouth. I imagined MaryLynn shrieking as she witnessed the eruption, the same kind of shriek that would come if an alien were to pop out of my stomach. I imagined my impending death, death by burning biological lava in my esophagus...if only I had remembered those volcanoes!

Of course, nothing happened. The terror passed. I remembered the second remedy I read about, sucking on a piece of ice, so I did that, felt better, and went to bed. Huzzah!

I was never the type to do a baking soda and vinegar volcano. In fourth grade, I remember that on the day when we had to pick our science fair projects, I decided I wanted to do a project about MAGIC! It was going to be so awesome! But at the last moment, I chickened out. When I was called on, I said that my project would be, "...Do plants grow better in warm soil or cold soil?" At that moment, my "friend" Annie announced to the class, "Duh, everyone knows warm soil." But I persevered in spite of that embarrassment. I'd show them. And I concluded, very scientifically, that plants do in fact grow better in warm soil.

Oh, how my life would be different if I were more courageous! I think that practicality helps people grow up, but courage helps keep people young.