Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
When I met you, I was just a kid
Hmm. In all honesty, I'm kind of grossed out by what I wrote two posts ago. Which, you know, is probably the main barrier I have in regards to relationships. Hah. Yes, I realize that kind of makes me 12 years old. It's also possible that I'm a part of the next stage of human evolution. Seriously. I read a book that said that the X chromosome is constantly attacking the Y chromosome and building up resistance to it. I thought that was kind of cool.
So, speaking of science, I have just been offered a tech aide position at 3M. I will repeat what I said some posts ago, holy cow! This is really, really exciting. 3M. 3M.
Also, we had this assignment due where we had to plan a budget for our first year of having a full-time job and...it was really fun. I'm already an obsessive planner, so this was just the right assignment for me. I imagined having the things I want, namely, a craft room and a piano. It was a nice future.
Good Lord, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot of blessings. I'm glad that I'm in a position to acknowledge that now and am not so weighed down by troubles any more. Because really, I should be able to be joyful. What do I have to worry about?
Well, maybe I won't ask that question, because then I'll think about it and it will cease to be rhetorical.
Oh no. Too late! Stop thinking, Christine!
So, speaking of science, I have just been offered a tech aide position at 3M. I will repeat what I said some posts ago, holy cow! This is really, really exciting. 3M. 3M.
Also, we had this assignment due where we had to plan a budget for our first year of having a full-time job and...it was really fun. I'm already an obsessive planner, so this was just the right assignment for me. I imagined having the things I want, namely, a craft room and a piano. It was a nice future.
Good Lord, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot of blessings. I'm glad that I'm in a position to acknowledge that now and am not so weighed down by troubles any more. Because really, I should be able to be joyful. What do I have to worry about?
Well, maybe I won't ask that question, because then I'll think about it and it will cease to be rhetorical.
Oh no. Too late! Stop thinking, Christine!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Let's stay awake another hour!
Here's something that made me laugh harder than I have in a long time:
So, when I was taking geology last semester, Dr. Trapp came to class one day and dumped out a bucket of bones and said, "This is our cat that we buried in our backyard, and I dug up the bones later."
Well, I guess I just went with it. But a couple days ago, I was talking to a girl who is taking physics with Dr. Trapp, and she said that in the back of the lab there's this fur that they use as a conductor in experiments. She said that one time, she and her friend laid out the fur...
...and it was in the shape of a cat.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
So, when I was taking geology last semester, Dr. Trapp came to class one day and dumped out a bucket of bones and said, "This is our cat that we buried in our backyard, and I dug up the bones later."
Well, I guess I just went with it. But a couple days ago, I was talking to a girl who is taking physics with Dr. Trapp, and she said that in the back of the lab there's this fur that they use as a conductor in experiments. She said that one time, she and her friend laid out the fur...
...and it was in the shape of a cat.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Look for me another day
Now that I'm healthier again, I'm finding myself with all kinds of spare energy and desire to...do stuff. Yeah. That's why I'm sitting here on the floor in the living room at 5:30, still in my pajamas. Well, you know what? I have no response to that. Except that it's Saturday, and I've been baking things all day.
I'm not going to talk about my future right now in a "What should I do?" sense because I've exhausted that topic, even though it's still what I'm typically thinking about.
I have a lot of half-finished entries. I just realized that I didn't end up writing about: things I don't like about the modern world, profanity, how I tend to make things up, the day I went on a walk and discovered poems in the sidewalk, and questioning the reason for me to be writing on a blog. These are all things that I've been thinking about. But since I haven't reached the stage of completely abandoning this blog because of my opinions about the internet, I'll just keep on keeping on. Thumbs up!
Maybe I will talk about the future. When I was barely 17, I went to a palm reader (at the Renaissance Festival, no less). It had nothing to do with believing in palm reading, but it was more a combination of curiosity about what the palm reader would say and a deep desire to be reassured about my future in any way possible. I was feeling about like I am right now--impatient to let the future come to me and wanting to know the story of my life so that I could make the right decisions.
Actually, when I think about it now, what I wanted to know most was whether the whole not wanting a relationship thing was real, or if I would end up finding someone who fit with me. Sure, family/friends might say things about how there was someone out there who was a good match for me, but that's not what I was thinking about. I wanted to know whether I was being true to myself in not desiring relationships, or whether that would be a temporary attitude.
Anyway, not knowing how to express this without coming across as completely abnormal, I blurted out something about being afraid of being alone. The palm reader just laughed and said of course I wouldn't be alone. She looked at my hands and said she saw children in my future, 3 or 4. Then she said that she was more worried that I would get very serious and involved with someone at a very young age, without much experience.
And I thought, "..."
That kind of dampened my desire to know anything more about my future, for the time. I couldn't imagine me getting really involved with anyone period, let alone at a young age. I didn't think I was so foolish. But when I think about it now, this prediction makes perfect sense for me. If I were to get involved with anyone, it would obviously be both serious and without experience, simply because I would only be interested in someone if I were serious about them, and I am not serious about anyone, so I won't have any experience until that happens. You know?
But the question remains as to whether that will actually happen (And at a young age. How old is young?). I am not particularly biased one way or the other, just because I can't think about wanting someone I don't know yet. However, I think I am lucky because from what I know about myself, I will know as soon as I meet this person. It will not be love at first sight. It will be "I can see that I will love you in the future" at first sight.
Why will I know? It will be like looking in a mirror. Our lives will run so parallel that the similarity will become pronounced in our bodies, and I won't be able to tell which of us is which. We will be complimentary colors. We will sound as a chord. We will diffuse into each others' lives so that we were together all along, just not face to face until that moment, since we will both be timeless and ageless.
(aside: I think that really says a lot about narcissism, ego, and androgyny, right there.)
At least, I imagine that's the only way I would find someone. And that's why I haven't been interested in a relationship with anyone I'm around. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm way too naive and can't think realistically about something like this yet...
Yes, this is all incredibly naive. But at least I'm not naive enough to assume that it will happen.
I don't remember why I wanted to write about this. I've been getting in the habit of writing really long entries, which is maybe a indication that I'm starting to think of this less as something for others to read.
Oh. P.S. The microraptor presentation went really well.
I'm not going to talk about my future right now in a "What should I do?" sense because I've exhausted that topic, even though it's still what I'm typically thinking about.
I have a lot of half-finished entries. I just realized that I didn't end up writing about: things I don't like about the modern world, profanity, how I tend to make things up, the day I went on a walk and discovered poems in the sidewalk, and questioning the reason for me to be writing on a blog. These are all things that I've been thinking about. But since I haven't reached the stage of completely abandoning this blog because of my opinions about the internet, I'll just keep on keeping on. Thumbs up!
Maybe I will talk about the future. When I was barely 17, I went to a palm reader (at the Renaissance Festival, no less). It had nothing to do with believing in palm reading, but it was more a combination of curiosity about what the palm reader would say and a deep desire to be reassured about my future in any way possible. I was feeling about like I am right now--impatient to let the future come to me and wanting to know the story of my life so that I could make the right decisions.
Actually, when I think about it now, what I wanted to know most was whether the whole not wanting a relationship thing was real, or if I would end up finding someone who fit with me. Sure, family/friends might say things about how there was someone out there who was a good match for me, but that's not what I was thinking about. I wanted to know whether I was being true to myself in not desiring relationships, or whether that would be a temporary attitude.
Anyway, not knowing how to express this without coming across as completely abnormal, I blurted out something about being afraid of being alone. The palm reader just laughed and said of course I wouldn't be alone. She looked at my hands and said she saw children in my future, 3 or 4. Then she said that she was more worried that I would get very serious and involved with someone at a very young age, without much experience.
And I thought, "..."
That kind of dampened my desire to know anything more about my future, for the time. I couldn't imagine me getting really involved with anyone period, let alone at a young age. I didn't think I was so foolish. But when I think about it now, this prediction makes perfect sense for me. If I were to get involved with anyone, it would obviously be both serious and without experience, simply because I would only be interested in someone if I were serious about them, and I am not serious about anyone, so I won't have any experience until that happens. You know?
But the question remains as to whether that will actually happen (And at a young age. How old is young?). I am not particularly biased one way or the other, just because I can't think about wanting someone I don't know yet. However, I think I am lucky because from what I know about myself, I will know as soon as I meet this person. It will not be love at first sight. It will be "I can see that I will love you in the future" at first sight.
Why will I know? It will be like looking in a mirror. Our lives will run so parallel that the similarity will become pronounced in our bodies, and I won't be able to tell which of us is which. We will be complimentary colors. We will sound as a chord. We will diffuse into each others' lives so that we were together all along, just not face to face until that moment, since we will both be timeless and ageless.
(aside: I think that really says a lot about narcissism, ego, and androgyny, right there.)
At least, I imagine that's the only way I would find someone. And that's why I haven't been interested in a relationship with anyone I'm around. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm way too naive and can't think realistically about something like this yet...
Yes, this is all incredibly naive. But at least I'm not naive enough to assume that it will happen.
I don't remember why I wanted to write about this. I've been getting in the habit of writing really long entries, which is maybe a indication that I'm starting to think of this less as something for others to read.
Oh. P.S. The microraptor presentation went really well.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I'm getting the itching feeling again to travel somewhere, especially on a road trip. I was thinking about how fun it would be to take a road trip to St. Louis, just to go to the City Museum. I just remember being totally on board with the whole thing when we went there last spring. We got into the museum, and I saw a hole in the wall, and I thought, "I'm gonna crawl into this hole in the wall. What's stopping me?" And that attitude prefaced nearly everything I did that day at the City Museum.
But a road trip...staying in motels, seeing the landscape, stopping at gas stations...is it really weird that I love gas stations? Probably because I've never had to actually fill up a gas tank, so I still associate gas stations with a novel experience during a road trip (with the potential for buying a special treat).
Also, it's far too early in the semester for me to want the week to be over already. Maybe it's just this week, though. I've got some exciting things coming up. I'm interviewing for a lab position at 3M (holy cow!), but I'm a little worried about how that might fit with my schedule. Research has been fun so far. I'm slowly getting better at the guitar. I'm very excited for Carnival.
I got my script today and looked at the music. It's a sweet show--I love Lili's interaction with the puppets. Also, I love the end--here is Lili's line:
"...I've been living in a little girl's dream, not seeing anything except what I wanted to see. Not that dreams are bad to have...it's just that there's a time for them to end. Like there's a time for going to school, a time for losing our parents, a time for falling in love with a beautiful magician, and a time for waking up. And we just have to learn each time to say...'This is over. Now go on to the next thing'...I guess it's something nobody can teach you, Marco. You just get older...and you know."
On a side note, I've always disliked when people automatically say things like age doesn't matter, because I think it really does. I think this because a person's "true age" depends on not only their experiences, but their level of comprehension of those experiences. Thus, the older a person is, the more experiences they have had, but a younger person might be at an "older" level if they have a high level of comprehension of the fewer experiences they have had, or can think reasonably about possible experiences. Anyway. I just don't like when people say that, since age is a component in a person's "true age."
But right now, I think I'm in the unfortunate circumstance of being in between times, as Lili describes. I feel like I'm already saying, "This is over," but I can't go on to the next thing because it's not actually over. And by it I mean school, or maybe just the position my life is in right now. That's probably playing into wanting to travel.
I know I talk about this all the time, but the thing is, I can't tell whether it's related to being unsure about the path I have chosen or whether it has more to do with my age and position in school. In any case, it's probably annoying.
Anyway, I have to prepare a presentation about microraptors.
Bet you weren't expecting that!
But a road trip...staying in motels, seeing the landscape, stopping at gas stations...is it really weird that I love gas stations? Probably because I've never had to actually fill up a gas tank, so I still associate gas stations with a novel experience during a road trip (with the potential for buying a special treat).
Also, it's far too early in the semester for me to want the week to be over already. Maybe it's just this week, though. I've got some exciting things coming up. I'm interviewing for a lab position at 3M (holy cow!), but I'm a little worried about how that might fit with my schedule. Research has been fun so far. I'm slowly getting better at the guitar. I'm very excited for Carnival.
I got my script today and looked at the music. It's a sweet show--I love Lili's interaction with the puppets. Also, I love the end--here is Lili's line:
"...I've been living in a little girl's dream, not seeing anything except what I wanted to see. Not that dreams are bad to have...it's just that there's a time for them to end. Like there's a time for going to school, a time for losing our parents, a time for falling in love with a beautiful magician, and a time for waking up. And we just have to learn each time to say...'This is over. Now go on to the next thing'...I guess it's something nobody can teach you, Marco. You just get older...and you know."
On a side note, I've always disliked when people automatically say things like age doesn't matter, because I think it really does. I think this because a person's "true age" depends on not only their experiences, but their level of comprehension of those experiences. Thus, the older a person is, the more experiences they have had, but a younger person might be at an "older" level if they have a high level of comprehension of the fewer experiences they have had, or can think reasonably about possible experiences. Anyway. I just don't like when people say that, since age is a component in a person's "true age."
But right now, I think I'm in the unfortunate circumstance of being in between times, as Lili describes. I feel like I'm already saying, "This is over," but I can't go on to the next thing because it's not actually over. And by it I mean school, or maybe just the position my life is in right now. That's probably playing into wanting to travel.
I know I talk about this all the time, but the thing is, I can't tell whether it's related to being unsure about the path I have chosen or whether it has more to do with my age and position in school. In any case, it's probably annoying.
Anyway, I have to prepare a presentation about microraptors.
Bet you weren't expecting that!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
