I spent some of tonight looking through old papers in the attic. We have a lot of stuff saved from school, especially from when we were really young. It's because all the stuff from that time is so freakin' cute. I went through and recycled all of my AP Euro tests, but I could not part with any of my "First Grade Super Speller" or "Alphabet Journal" relics.
Sometimes I honestly think I peaked in elementary school. I loved doing the work so much then, and I was already ahead because I started reading when I was three. Now, I feel like I have to work so hard to keep my head above water. Of course I do. I'm 19 now, not 6, and I'm a sophomore in college completing two majors and a minor.
But really, looking at these old papers just makes me want to be an elementary school teacher. Or an elementary schooler.
Although, apparently even when I was in first grade, I had some troubles. My report card said that I was an "outstanding first grader." But then my teacher mentioned that I had chronic stomach pains, and that she noticed that I worried a lot, which might have caused the pains. I don't remember that at all, but do you know what I do remember? Entering second grade and deciding, and consequently worrying, that I hadn't grown sufficiently smarter over the summer.
I think my nostalgia for elementary school is caused by some need to reconcile something from that time. Not to get all psychoanalytic, though I tend to do that, but I think the worry of not being smart enough (compared to others in my grade) robbed me of innocence that early in my life and has followed me up to the present. I think it's the reason I have very little confidence in my abilities, despite earning good grades.
Or maybe, judging by the fact that I unconsciously checked my schedule to see how long until Spring Break (3 weeks), I'm just a little tired.
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2 comments:
Heh, this reminds me of a story abou Nathan Rynders, who Mom used to nanny. When he finished his first day of Kindergarten, he got home and sighed, "I have so much homework!" And it was a picture of a scarecrow that he had to color.
I remember that story, Susanna!! And Christine, you are by far the most brilliant person I know. I know when I was in the Moundsview school system, I had been elected from elementary school to highschool the "genius" of the class, but that was completely bogus. I don't know if you ever got that recognition by your peers--it sounds like that's what you're talking about--not being recognized? Maybe? You, however (and Susanna), are complete non-bogus genii. And sorry I'm still up. I haven't even finished organizing my Spain photos. Sigh.
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