Dreaming out the crazy way

On my list of 52 favorite things, I would have to include "finding song lyrics to title blog entries." Funny, I don't even really care about lyrics that much usually. Music to me is more about the emotion of the sound. I wonder if that's because I'm not emotional enough myself, so music ends up being kind of an "emotion pill" that I can take to feel things that other people feel. Perhaps, growing up surrounded by music, I have never found the need to feel much myself. The music has always provided it for me.

Aside: "Well Gob, this feeling that you're feeling is what most of us would call a, a feeling."
"But it's not like envy...or even hungry!"

Man, now just I'm making myself sound like a robot. Beep...beep...interesting thing today: I was performing a piece from Bach's Magnificat in a recital, and my voice...was not working. I had to stop and restart the piece. It was kind of embarrassing, although it wasn't a big deal to me. But later, someone told me that they really enjoyed my performance because it made me appear human.

It made me appear human. I never knew that I appeared non-human...but don't think I've ever been good at knowing how people view me. Maybe I am a robot.

Mom, am I adopted?

Quatsch! (or, I miss speaking German)

I got some new Ukrainian egg supplies, and I'm obsessed with this egg blower that I just tried out tonight:The description on the box promised that it would be schnell and hygienisch. Schnell? Quite. Hygienisch? Hygienisch as can be. I spent an easily-entertained few minutes reading the directions aloud in German and sniggering at such words as "Faltenbalg," "Auspumpvorganges," and "Wackelpudding."

"Wackelpudding" auf Englisch? Apparently it translates to "jelly," as the corresponding English directions state, "The same procedure for rinsing the egg can be used to fill the egg, for instance with jelly."

Let me get this straight. The fine people at the Blas-Fix company not only imagined some horrible freak of a food as jelly-filled eggs but also assumed they are something people would want assurance that they could make? Well, I wanted to fill this egg with jelly, but the directions didn't say I could, shucks! Guess we'll have to have Schwartzwalde-Kirschtorte instead.

But I'm feeling mischevious, and I can't help but have a little scheme in the back of my head involving a carton of eggs, the egg blower, large quanitities of jelly, and a means of smuggling something back into a grocery store.

I was in a dream, I was gone away without you

I usually don't have performance dreams until long after the shows are done. I made it two nights this time.

...

We are beginning the Masque scene of the Tempest, when suddenly everything seems wrong. Where is everyone who is supposed to be on stage? Oh well, the show must go on I suppose, until pirates interrupt me in the middle of singing and storm the stage. Pretty soon everyone in the cast is a performance slave, dressed in oddball costumes and speaking a kind of gibberish for the audience. Backstage, I drop an ostrich egg a story below and watch it crack on the floor, then foster whispers of revolt against the pirates. "Let's just do the Masque scene like we always did--I want to leave."

...

There was no end. I just woke up.

I don't care, I'll burn out anyhow

You know, I kind of like how it snowed. It made me feel like the end of the semester was near, and I think that mindset was helpful in these past couple days. And now that the snow is melting, and the leaves smell like fall, I feel renewed.

Also, I like being Scandinavian.

Also, I really like tutoring organic chemistry. It's so satisfying to understand a difficult subject and then to be able to make it clear for other people. Maybe someday I'll be an organic chemistry teacher. I would have lessons like "how to draw chair conformations 101," because no one really knows how to draw them...but I do! Ha! It's simple, you just draw two parallel lines at a slant and then connect the ends with slanted triangles...oh gosh...this is like that one time in Tempest rehearsal, when they were discussing Prospero using her telescope in the middle of the day, and I said, "Oh, it must be a radio telescope!"...but I said it really quietly and smiled a little nerdy smile to myself.

I'm glad tutoring gives me an outlet for these things.

Clouds and Starlight

So. I really want to go back to Israel. But I think that I should try to find another REU this summer. Then I can go to Israel after my senior year.

Here's to hoping. *clink*

Can I say what I want?

It's kind of a sad thing for me when I realize that I haven't been actively noticing the texture of words. Sure, the words still have texture to me, but I often don't have the time or maybe the consciousness to devote to really taking in their textures.

It's also sad for me to think that I may not be an active synesthete anymore. I once read that synesthesia kind of fades as people get older--not in their ability to make the connections, but rather in their ability to make new connections. So for me, I feel that all the words I knew when I was younger most likely have some kind of texture, but it seems like the ones I'm learning when I'm older only have texture if they sound similar to other known words. I'm not sure, though.

This makes me want to devote a lot of time just to exploring and enjoying words and creating new savory combinations of textures. I think I'll start making a list of really great words.

Then again, I've never really known what to call what I think of words because it is so variable. Some words sound like foods, others sound like textures, others sound like different sounds. For instance, "community" sounds like a blue Jolly Rancher, "from" sounds like a piece of chalk, and "thousand" sounds like a hybrid between an animal roar and an echo-ey metal clang. Other words may just have a kind of "mood," like open or airy or dark.

Mmm...it all sounds so wonderful! I can't wait to make a list!