Take Two

I think I do those surveys when I'm too lazy to search for something deeper. Yes, they let me write down things that I may not have thought about, creating the illusion of finding hidden treasure as I said, but really I think it's fool's gold. What value are gems of human intellect such as: "You know what? I really like peppermint ice cream."

I'm somehow reminded of Ghost World: "You guys up for some reggae?!"

Lately, a place in my imagination has been haunting me. It's a wide, flat, blue valley surrounded a tall, uniform ridge of mountains, like a prairie-filled crater. This place is somewhere out west, and it's warm there, but the covering of blue from dusk makes everything seem cold and clear. In my mind, it is a place where memories dissolve. It does not resolve memories, but traps them as they are. The memory-saturated air is stifling and cruelly cold. This place could whisper about everything it holds, but instead it remains silent. It frightens me. Thinking about it makes me feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, able to balance thrill, fear, and curiosity for only a minute before I can stand no more and need to retreat to safer ground.

I didn't think about it before, but the song that makes me think of this place most is called "Perfect Disguise." Interesting.

Afternoon Sister - Air

The other day, I decided that my favorite ice cream flavor is peppermint, like the special holiday edition kind. Not only that, but that the only dessert I care about is ice cream (er, frozen yogurt). And for some reason, I really wanted that in writing. I'm not sure whether it's from the recent monotony of break or whether this was built up over the entire semester, but I'm in one of those states of mind where I seek out those awful surveys, perhaps to validate something about who I am. Sometimes I feel as if I need to reevaluate what I like and...stuff...just so I can be familiar with myself. Whenever I figure out something about myself, I feel like I'm unearthing some buried treasure, which is honestly more of an indication of how little I know myself than it is an indication of how I value my own identity.

So, without further ado, some hand-selected survey questions from various things I found. On facebook.

1. Favorite Album of the Year: Neutral Milk Hotel: In the Aeroplane over the Sea. This album combines energy and genuine feeling, which I've realized are two of the strongest indicators that I will like certain music. Plus, it has an overall theme, which I can't resist in albums. Runners Up: Moon and Antarctica (though I think I listened to that last year), Seven Swans

2. Favorite New Show of the Year: Freaks and Geeks. Not new, but new to me. I love everything about it. Runners Up: How I Met Your Mother, Firefly, Slings and Arrows.

3. Favorite New Movie: Hmm. Freaks, No Country for Old Men. Did I see The Thing for the first time in 2008? If so, that's it. Man, The Thing!

4. Favorite Book of the Year: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I still laugh thinking about it and find new ideas. Also, I reread Steppenwolf.

5. Best Event of the Year: Israel, no question. Ghana as well.

Other questions:
Favorite candy: I don't eat much candy anymore since Israel. Juju bees, wallaby licorice, caramel. Things I can't eat easily with my new tooth. Also, this isn't candy, but my new favorite thing are those passionfruit popsicles I had in Israel.
Goals for the year: To be organized enough to balance school, reading, music, and work, get an internship this summer (hopefully that one...), plan a trip for myself to San Francisco
Job I most want: Explorer. That's why I'm drawn to astronomy.

I could have very well done these things not at the expense of my poor blog. However, I think the whole point is that I wanted these things in writing and this was the easiest way to do so.

I'm incapable of writing an entry that I feel like publishing once it's written. I don't know if it's that I'm dissatisfied with what I'm putting out here, or if it's that I'm rebelling against having a blog. Well, the point of this entry is finished. I want to write another entry right now on a new subject. Here goes.

Love is Blue - Paul Mauriat

I began to write a little bit about how I don't like being identified as a girl, and how that was kind of a secret of mine. Although, I don't think it's really a secret, but rather it's just something that I don't share because there is no occasion to do so. However, I was thinking, and I think the only secret, which reveals my entire life, is this:

"Whoever wants to live and enjoy his life today must not be like you and me. Whoever wants music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative work instead of business, passion instead of foolery, finds no home in this trivial world of ours...All we who ask too much and have a dimension too many could not contrive to live at all if there were not another air to breathe outside the air of this world, if there were not eternity at the back of time; and this is the kingdom of truth...It is the kingdom on the other side of time and appearances. It is there we belong. There is our home. It is that which our heart strives for...we have to stumble through so much dirt and humbug before we reach home. And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is our homesickness."

I can't say much more than that.

I've been into the plants and simple treasures

So, tonight I was making Christmas candy and things, so I was eating a lot of sugar and as a result, I started to go a little haywire. You know, I've really been off of sugar a great deal since Israel. (GOSH I MISS ISRAEL!!!) Anyway, so I was having all of these strange thoughts, and then I was like, "You know, maybe I should start a blog!" And then, "Well, shit, I already have one."

And so much has happened since...(checks blog site)...August! Yes, August. Good Lord, August. Well, I've been love love loving organic chemistry. I was hit by a car and as of now finally have my tooth crowned (No more corn on the cob for you, missy! God, what is the matter with me). I was in Amadeus, and that's what the swears are about--I mean, I had to swear in the play, whereas I never had before, so my record is broken. Whatevs. I still don't swear, but that barrier doesn't exist anymore. I've fallen in love with Neutral Milk Hotel.

I miss Israel A LOT. I think about the Sea of Galilee and Hippos and Petra and even just lying around and doing nothing on the kibbutz, and I would give anything to be there. On the other hand, I'm looking at an internship next summer, which I will hopefully be able to do. If not, then I will just work during the summer and take my trip to SAN FRANCISCO! Unless I could manage another summer at Hippos...

I hate when I get to the end of these entries and don't want to publish any of it. This is so boring. But I need to get to my homework, which is actually more exciting than this blog post. But that's because the homework itself is very exciting. Perhaps next entry, I will have some gripping information and confessions. I'll see what I can come up with, and it will be my Christmas gift to my blog. Alright then, it's settled.

Misjudged your limits, pushed you too far

Ah, changes. I woke up one day and suddenly I like mushrooms. I hate mushrooms. Is this what turning 19 does to a girl?

Actually, I always notice when things about me change, big or small. I suppose I call it growing up. People used to call me "mature for my age," and I used to believe them. I've known for a while now that I was always rather immature, but I hid it and could therefore appear older. This is a good thing. Now that I realize that, I am afraid of neither the changes that happen unconsciously nor the changes I need to make consciously.

Gosh, this sounds like some lame coming-of-age music should be going on right now. Funny, I'm listening to "Gonna Raise Hell" by Cheap Trick. I'm still not one for sentimentality, I see.

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

I kind of want to run away from home.

Hmm. That's all I'll say about that.

I need a lover with soul power, and you ain't got no soul power

Well, I leave tomorrow morning for home. I'm excited for fortune cookies and riding my bike. You know, business as usual.

I thought of a few more things to add to my list of 52 favorite things, such as the sound an apple makes when you catch it.

On a similar streak, I've been thinking about my favorite albums. Here's what I've got (in no particular order): Weezer/Pinkerton, Modest Mouse/Moon and Antarctica, of Montreal/The Early Four-Track Recordings, Arcade Fire/Funeral, The Strokes/Is This It, Sufjan Stevens/Michigan, The Unicorns/Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?, Franz Ferdinand/Franz Ferdinand, Simon and Garfunkel/Greatest Hits. I love every single song on each of these albums.

You know, I've wondered for quite a while whether or not I'm a schizoid. I know many people have the tendency of exaggerating their traits or faults and then tagging disorders onto themselves. In all honesty, though, I'm not exaggerating anything about myself, and it matches up. The thing is, I don't think it's a disorder at all. I realize it's not normal. But it's just me, and I like the way I am, normal or not.

Can you hear me, will you listen? Don't come near me, don't go missing

Hmm. I'm feeling a little queasy. I hope I don't spew.

Anyway, I don't feel like talking about much. Today was the first day digging after our trip to Jordan. An unfortunate marketing flaw I saw there: "Crust Toothpaste."

The bus ride was really long, so I started making a list of my 52 Favorite Things, as inspired by the song. I've attempted this before, and I can't seem to make it all the way. I'm not even that picky--I'll put in things that I like, but aren't necessarily my favorite. And I still fall short--do I really only like 38 things? Gee.

I enjoy making that list, though. It's not a list of favorite books or music or things like that, but more favorite "little things." It includes things such as airplane take-offs and landings, going to the grocery store, shaving cream, wearing black tights, walking on balance beams, haircuts, mixing different colors of paint, and the feeling that a song is faster when I hear it upon waking up.

I'm reaching the point in this trip when I begin craving food from home. Actually, I more miss cooking and baking--I like the food here. You know, a cucumber for breakfast, a bowl of cereal for dinner, what's not to like? Although, I've really been wanting a popcorn ball. That was a torturous craving this weekend because "Jordan" sounds like popcorn.

Nothing works up the appetite like digging from 5 to noon, eh?

What Wouldn't Jesus Do?

Ok, here I am in Israel at Kibbutz Ein Gev. Oh, it's nice. Right now it's about 7:45, and I'm sitting by the Sea of Galilee with the mountains and sunset in the mist. I could get used to this.

Well I'm glad you mentioned that, Christine, because you know, I could also get used to digging as well. We had our second day at the site today, and while it was more difficult today than it was yesterday because we dug all day and not just after breakfast, I still loved it. There's something I like about this kind of rigorous work. Also, it's wonderful to get back and cool off in the Sea of Galilee. So far, my routine has been to dig in the morning, eat lunch, swim in the sea, relax and read or write, go to pottery washing, go to dinner, check mail, and go to bed. The days work pretty well because we get to rest for the most part after the hard mornings.

The people here are pretty fun. There are a bunch of Canadians, and tonight there was the obligatory comparison of dialect and accent. always hate that conversation. It's always just stating the obvious, and it ALWAYS drags on for like an hour. Hopefully we're past it now.

Also, when we toured around the Sea of Galilee, I saw some people hang-gliding over the water. I thought of this.

Well I get a little run, run run

Oh man. I think I'm having a manic episode or something.

It started last night, after I got home from the wedding. Everything just seemed AWESOME and EXCITING and in particular, my excitement for Israel has peaked.

This is because I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and I saw a place I will be visiting. On horseback. Just like Indiana Jones.

I think it's going to be the most badass thing I've ever done.

Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day

It's been over a month now. I knew this would happen. Of course, a month was enough time for me to not only go to Ghana, but return. Say!

"I remember when I used to really be into nostalgia." -Demetri Martin

Anyway, I've just been biking and reading and eating the things that weren't in Ghana, which means anything other than chicken, fish, rice, and plantains. I've never eaten so much rice in my life. But Ghana was pretty incredible. My favorite parts were the worship, the climate, and the slave castles. I think we danced every time we had worship, and we learned this song:

All other gods, they are the works of men
You are the most high God, there is none like thee

And I loved the climate, even though I was always really hot. I mean, I loved the ocean and the rain forest. I especially liked when I got to make batik, and we were right by the ocean under palm trees. It was beautiful. Then the slave castles we visited were just chilling, especially when we visited one on a stormy day. Ooh it was creepy.

So now I'm just waiting for Israel. I've got lots of fun stuff to do, though, like read and bike and play Riven. The end.

May, Helicopters, and Peterkin

Well, today is May Day. A festival of...fertility.

Oh man.

In any case, it's got to be better than the 24 hours of misery that made up yesterday. I exaggerate. Maybe it was only 23 hours.

There are some things I just don't understand. For instance, on Tuesday I went to get a couple shots for Ghana. In the waiting room, some kids show was on the TV, and from what I gathered, the show was about computer-animated flying vehicles, except they had human faces. Giant human faces. The helicopter was basically a severed head with a propeller.

What I don't understand is the whole trend of kids shows/movies being about animated inanimate objects. Their lives aren't that much more interesting than peoples', except with slight advantages such as being able to fly. Or drive. Or have extra arms. Of course, they are at a drawback when they have no arms at all.

Maybe if I were 5, I'd got nuts for it. I guess the people who make these shows assume that.

I was going to explain my blog title. I read this collection of fairy tales called The Wonder Clock, and one of them ended with this guys Peterkin marrying a princess, and it was described, "The princess was pleased too, for Peterkin was a good, smart, tight bit of a lad, and that is what the girls like." Then, another story mentioned a character "plucking an apple from his thinking tree. I got a real kick out of that.

I'm 18, and I like it!

Well, Pirates is over now. I enjoyed the candy in the dressing room, as usual--the last two days was certainly a step up from the first couple. On the first couple days, it was the kind of selection where you're like, hey, I'd like some candy...well...I don't want that cinnamon thing, and the peppermint doesn't look that great, and butterscotch? WTF? Now I don't want any candy!

I just finished The Book of Lost Things. Maybe it was because I was interrupted from reading it for about a month, but I felt that book had the fastest rising action I've ever seen in a book. I mean, it was just going along, gradually building up, and then BAM! everything happened. In that short span of plot, I grew to like the book a lot more.

Mmm, I don't really have much to say. Goethe!

I'm 18, I get confused everyday!

I'm a boy (or girl) and I'm a man (or woman)...

That's one of my favorite scenes from Freaks and Geeks so far, and this song is actually pretty kick-ass.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had been thinking back to the beginning/middle of last semester, when I felt I was doing things right, mostly because I had just read Life Together and was really trying to be gracious and caring toward everyone. However, I gradually put less and less effort into that. I decided just yesterday or a couple days ago that I need to have renewed graciousness and care for others, for their sake and mine.

I don't know whether I was consciously trying to do that yesterday, but I felt very calm, more so than I have felt lately. Maybe just the realization of what I need to do has helped me already, and now I just have to do it. I'm kind of excited about that.

Anyway, I don't intend this to be just a journal about me. When I find something interesting, I'll talk about that...

What have I signed myself up for this time?

I did have a blog during much of high school. I'm not quite sure why I did then, but I think putting my experiences into words made them more humorous. At least, that's what I tried to do.

Although, I think it also served as a way to be more conscious about what I was experiencing. Maybe that's what I'm seeking right now--if I can actually write down what I do, something will become more real to me.

At the same time, I'm not quite sure who I am when I write these kinds of posts. I think I get into kind of a weird style, because I feel like I'm talking to myself, but with other people listening. I suppose I'll find out, eh?

Oh dear, and so it begins.